It’s been a rough week—two weeks. Rough is probably an understatement. It’s been a week of little sleep, mind wandering, dark thoughts, bad dreams, and grief. I’ve got this little habit of making one thing into a million and these circumstances are no exception. When someone leaves my life, it serves as a reminder of every precedent. I work myself into a depression and that is always tough to pull out of. But I am getting along.
So, I was really thankful it worked out that I could attend a memorial for a friend Sunday. The first hour or so was pretty difficult being there. I was overwhelmed by the extent of his reach in the community. I went in there very sad—sad that he chose to leave, sad about the method of which his chose to leave, sad that it had been so long since I’d talked to him. I opted to drink my courage and hold myself together. I drank more than I intended to. I stayed out longer than I intended to. But I sort of had a symbolic evening of hugging and chatting with the people that Chaz loved most and I was really honored to be around people that loved him so much. I may not remember much from Sunday night but I will never forget it.
Now that I’ve got a family, I realize that I am not as available to my friends as I would like to be. In fact, Sunday night was the first time I’d seen many friends from High School (that still live in Ames, mind you) since Georgie’s memorial. What the fuck…
To make a tragedy into something of positivity, I am vowing to have more of a social life. I need to be present. I need to be better about approaching people and putting my heart on my sleeve and telling someone that I might not know very well, “Hey, this shit really sucks, I’m here for you, let’s get together again.”
Especially in light of the current political climate. I think we could all use some like-minded conversation and support nowadays.