Realizing I have the time, the initiative, and the passion, it seems silly not to try out blogging. After all, I have been in the process of writing a memoir for 10 years (not even a complete chapter of fruition yet might I add). While I feel that I will have enough interesting stuff to spew out into the Internet realm, I do feel, at this time, unsure of what I expect to gain from blogging.
At the moment I am on maternity leave and desperate to feel useful. Allow me to elaborate on that a bit because many people have responded to my feelings of lack of worth by saying things like: “but a new mom is lots of work!” or “you’re a new mom, that’s your duty.” Well, I agree. But it’s work that I have expected: the sleepless nights, and fits of colic, constant feeding and diapering. Motherhood has been an envisioned level of attainment in my life for many, many years. It is a state of being that I have researched, dreamed of, and pondered on for a long time. There’s a great deal of weight riding on the decision to reproduce, and I didn’t “go gently into that good night”. I’m a mother now, and I’m happy to have successfully gotten to this point—but I need more. I want the empowerment back that I have lost in the process of giving up my prideful body to become, quite simply, a milk factory. My innate purpose to support new life right now isn’t sufficient enough for the drive I have. So, here I am.. Looking for something outside of mommyhood to occupy my time.
The pull between working for an income and becoming a mother at home is REAL. This limbo is more complicated than I ever could have imagined. Being a woman, a doer at that, I need some amount of spending money for my crafting. Then there are other expenses. I don’t think I need to iterate the cost of female hygiene uptake (we should totally get tax breaks for what we MUST buy for hygiene purposes). Us women are expensive, I’ll be the first to give men that! But I’ve digressed. I have told my fiancée many times that I don’t feel productive. I’m not bringing in any money and I do a lot of sitting around. I have been able to maintain a majority of my compulsive cleaning, but I have had to pick and choose where to focus my attention anymore. I’ve given up on the basement at this point and I’m able to keep up with most everything else. Accomplishing the day-to-day definitely encourages me to do more.
I have looked into many moneymaking opportunities online but have found most, if not all, to be desperate opportunities to earn cash. Among the many “Top (insert any numerical value under 100)” webpage articles, blogging makes its appearance liberally. Blogging has almost been hammered into my head at this point. I’ve got to see what it’s all about. And while I’m sure I will not turn a profit from my rants and raves about my life and experiences, I hope to make some kind of mark. Even if this serves only to be a personal archive of my thoughts for people to read after I’ve passed, that’s good enough for me.
Welcome to the place where I don’t feel confined when writing. I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much as the time I spend editing them.