Trump-spiracy Theories

I’m convinced that the racist Cheeto has some agenda other than a quest for presidency, and thereby world domination. And honestly, some lame quest this is. What other candidate could get away with this kind of publicity? This infamy? Historically, none. Futuristically, well, I can only hope it won’t happen again. I try and solve this puzzle all the time. I’ll be honest, I probably think about it more than I should. And I’ve lost respect for a lot of midguided, ignorant, bull well-intended fellow citizens of mine. You might mean well, but I can’t tell.

I have formed a number of theories as to why a man with great success in his career as a business mogul might try to expand his niche to one he’s got no experience with. Drum roll please..

1. He’s bored. Let’s be honest, a man born into that kind of money doesn’t want for anything. He’s had his hand in a lot of buckets over the years—reality TV, pageants, books, casinos, etc. He’s a socialite, I don’t care his gender, and it’s the right way to describe him. Prior to 2012, he was becoming non-existent in the mainstream media. He had already peaked and was headed down from the climax in his life. Most men would retire happy with the kind of achievements and wealth Trump has amassed. But it’s not good enough for a man that has everything. Trump has the name, he’s had the publicity (good or bad), and all he needed to do was align himself with some die-hard ‘mericans. Not a problem for a man with a reputation in reality television.

2. He’s the ultimate troll. Well, he is. But I’m referring to trolling the Republican Party so damn well as to assure Hillary wins in a landslide. I think back to things I’ve read from the 90’s about how Trump loved the Clintons and considered them to be some of his closest political allies. Not to mention how Trump loves pointing out that Hillary has avoided fixing tax loopholes during her time as a senator (not that she alone has the power to do so, but that’s Trump’s thought at least) to benefit the very wealthy like Trump. Not a clear connection, I know, but both are/were part of the powerful elite in New York and no doubt about it they spent a lot of time getting to know one another.

3. Someone and so many stroked his ego too hard. I think Trump confided in some hooty-dooty friend or business partner of his, over some drinks and hors d’oeuvres, “Our country is going to shit. I could do a better job. I make millions and I could do it for America. Everyone loves me. I’d be the best president, ever.” And this friend of his had to have said “Oh hell yeah you’d do a better job. President Trump has a ring to it like that of the liberty bell.” And a dream was born.

4. He’s promoting his book. My husband mentioned this early on in the campaign season. Apparently, he campaigned a little in 2012 and he had also just released a book. And apparently, he used the publicity to promote the book and it’s sales did pretty well. I’m still not sure why a man with so much money would spend so much time to promote book sales. So, I can only thing it has something to do with the next conspiracy theory I have.

5. He’s actually broke AF. Think about it. He’s not releasing his tax returns. He’s been using a lot (last reported amount I saw was something like 300k) of his campaign donations toward personal purchases. He’s fired publicists, authors, and other people in his inner circle who try and put a dollar value on his wealth (It’s been said that the Trump brand wouldn’t retain it’s value if it were to be publicly known that he’s not as wealthy as he says he is). All public information regarding his tax returns has shown that his debt totals something like 450 million. He’s spendy and doesn’t seem to be very wise and trustworthy in his business practices. I think he’s bluffing. I think he thinks that becoming president might forgive all of his debts because who wants to be that guy that makes the POTUS repay his debts from when he was a shitty businessman? And by shitty, I mean unethical.

But my personal favorite, and the one that seems to be the most clearly true..

6. Because he can. Seriously, so many people have groomed him and have given him pass to get this far. He’s somehow played the whole politics game like his very own season of House of Cards. It’s impressive; I’ll give him that. But it’s not because of his incredible knack for politics. It’s because of the RNC’s incredible “stup-ability” to choose a household name over credible candidates.


It’s frankly frightening that it’s gotten this bad. But..


This is what happens when we allow a businessman to align his ideas with some of the most racist, fearful, close-minded, dark matter in our society.

This is what happens when we downplay questionable behavior of those who should be modeling the most honorable and dependable behavior.

This is what happens when a party’s majority backs a man with absolutely no experience in politics.

You all knew it would become a shit show. Don’t act like only recently you’ve found deal-breakers.   You gave him the power to be where he is and I hope no one lets you forget that. I hope it ruins your political and personal reputation, as it should. You are not to be trusted.

And I am extremely baffled that some people are still “undecided” in this election. I sure hope your indecision is in picking between Hilary and third-party candidates. God, I sure hope so.


Author: Caitlyn

Artsy, crafty, history-conscious, earth-friendly, new mama.

2 thoughts on “Trump-spiracy Theories”

  1. Well-written summary of possibilities. I agree that it is baffling as to how some voters are undecided at this point (or since the formal nomination at the convention). Keeping our fingers crossed up here in The Great White North. …


    1. I’m looking into all my options in case this election falls into the hands of the oompa loompa.. Know any guys up there who wouldn’t mind marrying a US lady desperate to dissent from a Trump-ocracy?

      Just kidding. But it’s thoughts like that, that many of us are having right now. I agree, being undecided between the GOP and Democratic candidates is very troubling. I wonder what kind of things these people are looking for in their president.


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